Jacob Jones and the Bigfoot Mystery

Jacob Jones was supposed to be something special: a cute, memorable, compelling adventure about a clever kid who goes to camp and meets Bigfoot. It was supposed to make me smile. That's all I wanted. Honestly.

Here's what I learned from Episode 1 (not that you should be concerned, but there are minor spoilers):

• Most, if not all, adults are the direct and scrupulous embodiments of cultural and career-related stereotypes, and are harshly bound to these roles.
• They are also incapable of solving their own problems, to the extent that they must enlist the help of children in order to accomplish anything.
• Dialogue is an opportunity to showcase arbitrary adult references and employ tacky humor with as much frequency and foul-timing as possible. 
• Children are surprisingly good at telling ghost stories. Though it's amazing it takes them longer to get bored of them than it takes me.
• Voice acting is more realistic when performed by amateurs.
• Inane and unimaginative puzzles are required to balance the necessary levels of anti-fun in an adventure game.
• Puzzles do not require coherent instructions, nor do they require any originality whatsoever.
• Bigfoots are bound to become lifelong companions with children. They're pretty okay.
• Oh, and so is the Unreal Engine.

I'm sorry harsh sarcasm is what I came up with to review this game. Small children would enjoy Jacob Jones if the puzzles weren't mind-shatteringly frustrating. And so would adults. The dialogue is maybe forgivable and might even appear quirky to some, but I wouldn't risk it. I really am sorry to the developers. They're obviously nice people who were trying to make a nice thing. But I'm also obligated to inform anyone who might purchase this game that it's probably not worth it. The quality of the game might improve across future episodes, but there's no way I can trust that now. Good luck to all, I suppose.